Genuine extract from patients notes…

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1983

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better

Patient had chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared

The patient refused an autopsy

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed

Discharge status: Alive but without permission

Healthy – appearing decrepit sixty – nine – year – old male, mentally alert but forgetful

The patient has no past history of suicides

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital

The patients past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty pound weight gain in the pasty three days

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December

Between you and me, we ought to get this lady pregnant

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed

She is numb form the toes down

The skin was moist and dry

Patient was alert and unresponsive

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room